The gods must be chubby

Diet disaster: The Greek Gods torpedo my weight loss goals

The inside scoop via sassyagapi.blogspot.com

Have you tried this stuff? If not, I’d suggest you avoid Greek Gods honey flavor yogurt — and all of them really —  at all costs, unless of course you’re trying to put on a few pounds, in which case this is just the ticket. For those of you looking to take off some weight or maintain your enviably svelte form, be warned:  Greek Gods honey yogurt is like heroin combined with a big jolt of endorphins, sugar, cream and fat. In short, heaven in a bowl. Rich, creamy and flavorful without being overly sweet, it’s as addictive as crack, and eating it is (I imagine) as pleasurable as a hot stone massage administered by that guy who played Thor. And no, I have no idea what his name is, and I don’t care that I’m mixing mythologies. Thunderbolts, chariots, hell hammers, Greek, Roman, Norse — it’s all the same to me.

Happy ending, Madam?

Back to the yogurt. This stuff gives new meaning to the term “happy ending.” One spoonful and you, too, will be hooked — and sooner than later could find yourself next to me in the industrial lingerie department at Lord & Taylor frantically searching for lace panties that don’t creep and of necessity, full-body, super-torque Spanxx that provide at least fifty pounds of compression per square inch.

Gentlemen, you are not exempt from this scourge. Once you start mainlining this stuff, you might as well just give up on that goal of six pack abs or the dream of one day pulling your golf slacks up and over that front end beer keg you’re pushing around. It’ll never happen.

“Who needs to swallow?”
Via GQ and Greg Kadel

And folks, don’t even think about writing in to tell me how tasty and satisfying fat-free, carcinogen-sweetened yogurt really REALLY is. If that were the case, we’d all look like the offspring of the-actor-who-plays-Thor and Padma Lakshmi, who everyone know chews her food, but never swallows it.

So even though I know that sharing this information will probably land me on the Weight Watchers most wanted list and will most certainly smash the bikini dreams of countless numbers of my fellow struggling dieters, I’m feeling like the pleasure and taste benefits outweigh (if you’ll pardon the cheap pun) the costs.

Here are some ways to enjoy your Greek Gods yogurt. May God and Jennifer Hudson forgive me.

Recipes:

Berry and almond breakfast parfait

Yogurt cheesecake

Garnish for vegetable frittata

Coconut Nutella frozen yogurt

Parsley yogurt sauce for vegetarian couscous

About WSW

Writer, wife, mother. Toiler in the bottomless, black, soul-sucking coal mine of domestic life. Thank God for the portable bar.

Posted on August 2, 2012, in The Slattern Speaks, UGH Healthy Eating and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. you’ve made me very hungry…..for too many things

  2. I’m calling a spade a spade. I just KNOW you’ve had a hot stone massage administered by that guy who used to play Thor. I can feel it. Or maybe I just want to feel it. Not sure.
    As for Padma Lakshmi? Regardless of whether or not she swallows, she isn’t human. Can’t be. Not possible.

  3. Bless you. Today the only thing that has gone right is getting your blog. My laptop got a virus and I’m waiting on discs to reload it. I’m forced to use a laptop that’s as skittish as a pony at a birthday party full of obese ten-year-olds.

  4. Good thing I’m not a pure yogurt eater I guess. And a request please my friend: more Padma Lakshmi bashing please. Something about her irks me. :-)

  5. I have half a dozen of these yogurt thingies in my fridge right now. Upon reading this post, I had a great urge to eat one, but instead tried on clothes that were too small for me, and lost my appetite. That seems to have done the trick.

  6. It’s too darn expensive and that’s why I avoid it. And I’m still trying to cast off those last 5 pounds. However, if I wanted a treat, that’s probably not what I’d choose to satisfy my lust for creamy goodness – I adore pudding!

  7. You’re so right, it’s damn addictive and mores the pity. I’ve tries some of the other brands and low fat versions but it’s just not the same…

  8. I find you can replace yogurt with anything. It’s universally replaceable. There’s nothing else like it. It’s like some actors; they have no talent, but keep getting roles.

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