…ME!

So the lovely and erudite Tall Woman, aka Cristy Carrington Lewis, has seen fit to bestow upon me a coveted 7×7 Link Award. Though I am hardly worthy – well actually I’m hardly sober, but let’s not split hairs – I am thrilled to be in such eminent company. As this is a pay-it-forward type of thing, as opposed to a big check or heavy statuette type of thing, I have some work to do. Hang on. No check, no prize, homework? Well, I’m only in it for the glory anyway, so here goes.

Seven things you don’t know about me:

1. I can recite every word of dialogue from The Philadelphia Story along with the movie.
2. I hate to be outdoors unless there’s furniture; camping is out of the question.
3. I never dated a guy who couldn’t fit in my car.
4. I believe the Rolling Stones are more important than the Beatles, but Elvis is the king.
5. When I was three, Laurie Kenny and I cut a neighbor girl’s hair with garden shears. It was my idea, Mom.
6. I believe clams are the most disgusting food on Earth and would sooner swallow a shovelful of dirt. OK, maybe not a shovelful, but you take my meaning.
7. I am older than God, but I’m still a really good dancer.

My Posts

1. Most Surprisingly Successful: Oh holy crap, here it comes again. I thought you guys loved me for my recipes, but it turns out you’re just in it for the Christmas party playlist.
2. Most Underrated – Hell in a hand basket (Halloween my way). I put my heart and soul, not to mention my liver, into that one but got little in the way of response despite references to toilet paper in the trees, Twizzlers and Betty Ford. I’m still flummoxed, but can only assume it was because you were all in sugar comas by the time it came out, then were back to reading my ramblings (in a room down the hall from me) only after it had slipped below the fold.
3. Most Popular – No. Box. Brownies. EVER!! Was it the Joan Crawford references, the delicious brownie recipe or the video of The Joans? Who can say? Who really cares? You LIKED it!
4. Most Beautiful – You don’t make your SAUCE?  I can’t in good conscience say “beautiful” applies to what I do, unless of course you find the image of a middle-aged slattern with her dress half off, wearing one shoe and dangling her head over the toilet poetic in some way. Still for the great pleasure of life with my Italian American friends in Brooklyn, I’d say this post is my best effort in that general direction – but I am really playing fast and loose with the term “beautiful” here, folks.
5. Most Helpful – Sunday Morning: Of buttermilk and headaches. Easy scratch pancakes, instant buttermilk and emergency substitutions. If you haven’t awakened to the daunting prospect of having to make Sunday breakfast for your disapproving in-laws while hungover, you’re not really married.
6. Most Controversial: What the hell are they smoking down there? Smart people actually took exception to my dismissal of this recipe for Crockpot Little Smokies, which are – stay with me now – smoked cocktail sausages slow cooked in chili sauce and grape jelly. Will wonders never cease?
7. Most Pride-Worthy: Truth be told, I’m really more about shame than pride, but if pressed, I’d have to say What ails you? Nothing a little hot whiskey won’t cure is the post I’m most pleased with. It’s brief, to the point and includes an unimprovable recipe for that wonder drug, hot whiskey.

Bloggers you should know about: My 7×7 Award recipients

These are the people I read, and I guarantee that have all received this award about a hundred times already. And rightly so. They, of course, are under no obligation to pay it forward as they’ve already picked up the check on this one. I chose them anyway because, although they deal with wildly varying subjects in totally different ways, they share the ability to write clearly, correctly and beautifully, and I do not sling that praise around often. Also, they are all much funnier than I am. If you want to learn how to write or how to write better, read people who do. Here are some:

1. Surviving Grady: Humor blogging 301, the seminar course. I have been reading Red and Denton for YEARS. They are, in many ways, my blog role models. The only people I have ever encountered who love the Boston Red Sox more than my Grandpa Harvey did, they manage to be just as hilarious in the face of ecstasy as despair, which is no small feat. Plus, they drink and swear. A lot.
2. F Words: Sue Fenton paid me the great compliment of listing me among her fifteen favorite blogs, an honor for which I am far from worthy. Her voice is so clear and she is so freaking funny, every word is a pleasure. She also drinks and swears, but not as much as me.
3. Lost In China: Susan rules. It is that simple. I read every post in its entirety, sometimes twice. My offer to buy her a drink next time she’s in New York still stands, though I wouldn’t blame her for declining. (It’s not stalking until the papers are served, folks.)
4. The Byronic Man: On any subject, one of the most insightful and able wordsmiths in the blogosphere. He’s received every nod in the book, as well he should.
5. Gerbil News Network: Con Chapman is a real journalist with mad skills. His output is phenomenal in terms of quality and quantity. I don’t know how he does it, unless there’s a night crew of glib, thick-spectacled elves chained to laptops in his cellar.
6. Topicless Bar: As a refugee from the English as a Second Language classroom, I can relate to his stories. Every post delivers self-deprecating honesty packaged up in lovely prose, which makes this blog one I never miss.
7. The Dissemination of Thought: I love a guy who’s not afraid to call himself an asshole, especially if he can write, and the chimp (best Gravatar ever) can really swing a pen.