What we have here is a failure to bake

Recipe: Lemon Ginger Pie

Anyone can't make pie. In the box.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I’ve heard it all before. You can’t make pie. It’s too hard. You just want to run out to the bakery and buy one instead.

Well listen up, you bunch of neurasthenic, crust-fearing maggots, I’m not here to make it easy on you or wipe your snotty noses. But since you are the biggest bunch of whiny, thumb-sitting kitchen monkeys I have ever personally laid eyes on, I see that I have no choice but to offer up the most dumbed-down, bare bones, easy-ass recipe known to man. Even a four year-old could make this, people. If it was any easier, it’d be on Semi-Homemade.

Warden Sandy courtesy US Weekly

So I don’t want to hear any lame excuses or scaredy-pants back-chat. This is remedial pie. If you can’t make this, you know where you’re going. No, not in the box. This ain’t no damned movie.

No, you fail to make this simple pie and I’ll have no choice but to turn you over to Warden Sandy for Kwanzaa cake duty. Now, you’re not gonna’ be a bunch of hard cases, are you?

(Recipe follows)

Lemon Ginger Pie

Set oven to 400 degrees.

Make the crust.

1. Combine and mix until crumbly:

  • 1 1/2 C finely crushed ginger cookie crumbs (Anna’s, Nabisco, or the like)
  • 1 T sugar
  • 1/4 t ginger
  • 5 T melted butter (unsalted)

2. Dump mixture into a pie plate and press on bottom and sides to form a crust. Set aside.

Make the filling.

3. In a bowl, combine and blend with a whisk until uniform:

  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz)
  • 2/3 C fresh lemon juice (about four lemons — don’t even THINK of using bottled juice)
  • 1 t lemon zest (2 tsp if you like it with more zing)
  • 2 egg yolks

4. Pour the filling into the pie crust and bake for 15 minutes. Cool until ready to refrigerate. Serve with a dollop of unsweetened, vanilla flavored whipped cream.

Yep, that’s all there is.

Easy as...PIE

About WSW

Writer, wife, mother. Toiler in the bottomless, black, soul-sucking coal mine of domestic life. Thank God for the portable bar.

Posted on February 16, 2012, in Dessert, The easy way and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. ‘remedial pie’ oh, you crack me up 🙂

    I’ve just recently graduated from my remedial pie course (teacher: me), this looks delicious though so might slide back among the slow kids for the day.

  2. This is easy enough. Me not a baker. My bread can be sold to the army as a weapon. Many years ago I make key lime pie with limes (did not know what a key lime was) and my friends are still puckering.

    Will let you know how it turns out….

    neurasthenic: I did look it up 😀

  3. First, when did you wake up and become such a bad ass? Damn, chica!

    Second, what the hell does “neurasthenic” mean? I refuse to Google it. Is your thesaurus still resting on your kitchen table?

    Third, if I wanted to use real ginger (never thought you’d hear that come outta my mouth,didja), how much would I use?

    Makes me wish my Me-Ma was still alive. She loved lemon pie. ‘Course I always wish she was still alive.

  4. Do kids like lemon? It’s time to find out. We’ll give it a whirl next Tuesday when the minicooks are due to turn up here again.

  5. I always seem to psyche myself out of making pies. This actually seems really easy. Perhaps I won’t screw it up. 🙂

  6. I followed your recipe very nearly to the letter, so when I opened the oven I was surprised to find a store-bought pizza and a blob of molten plastic that I think used to be a button. It may be time to accept that I will never be a great chef.

  7. I’m shakin’ it over here Boss! Pies are something I have not yet ventured into. However, this sounds so easy even a (cave) man could do it. You have persuaded me to give it my best shot (unless I get a little “rabbit” in my blood). I’ll let you know how this first attempt goes.
    PKC

  1. Pingback: You can make pie, and you should | Kitchen Slattern

  2. Pingback: The Kitchen is Closed « The Kitchen Slattern Speaks

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