So twice in the same day, I was tagged by my fellow bloggers, Susan from lostnchina and Vickie from Jumping in Mud Puddles. Ha! Beat THAT oh Tall One.

Now, I’m not entirely sure what getting tagged is, but then again I don’t really know what Twittering is either, and that doesn’t stop me from doing it. So here, to the best of my Sazerac-compromised ability, is my attempt at answering the tag.

Here are the rules:

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you.
3. Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
4. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
5. Let them know you’ve tagged them!

Susan’s eleven questions:

1. What’s a topic you’d never touch in your blog?
Cannibalism. I’d have absolutely no idea how to roast a human loin. Hell, I struggle with a pork chop and there are directions for that. 

2. Which word do you hate and why?
Slice. The sound of it makes my toes curl and my back arch. And not in a good way. 

3. If you had to give up blogging, because of time constraints – or some other kind of pressure – what would you do as a substitute?
Duh. Begin happy hour before lunch. 

4. What’s a frivolous holiday, in your opinion?
Let’s see, a day with no work, feasting and special drinks? They’re all busman’s holidays to me when you get right down to it.

5. Write a caption for  the above picture.
I said no more FUCKING formula. 

6.  What’s something you did when you were younger (20, if you’re over 35 and 5 if you’re now 20 – it’s a sliding scale) that you wouldn’t/can’t do now?
Go a full week ingesting nothing but beer and fig newtons — at least not without a stomach pump.

7.  The *perfect* day for you – what would it be?
Six to ten hours at any residential “spa” not founded by a former first lady. 

8.  Please fill in the BLANK:

Susan: Knock, knock!

You: Who’s there?

Susan: Rice cooker

You: What do I need a lice cooker for? Take your bugs and get out of here, Susan!

9.  What is something you have too much of?  (For example, you may say, I have too many Manolo Blahnik shoes in a size 6.5 and want to generously donate them to a well-deserving Chinese woman who wears Nike rip-offs in China.)
Obviously I have way too much time on my hands. 

11.  Make up a question and answer it.
What quality do you most admire in Susan? Her taste in bloggers, of course.

Vickie’s big eleven:

1. What one movie could you watch every day?
Burn After Reading. Is my love for John Malkovich so wrong? 

2. If you had to change your first name, what name would you fancy?
Ooh, I think Fancy would be a perfect.

3. You just got kicked out of your country. You aren’t allowed back. What country would move to?   Why?
Ireland. I like a country where a beer and a bump is an art form and a potato is a meal. 

4. You are only allowed to eat one vegetable for the rest of your life. Discuss.
Potatoes. See above. 

5. You get to bring home a celebrity. Do with them what you want. Who would you bring home?
I’d drag Keith Richard home just so I could borrow his eyeliner.

6. Name three adjectives that describe you best.
Party Over Here (OK, they’re not adjectives, but it’s getting late.) 

7. You have to pick one…cat or dog? Why?
Oh God neither. I am so over fur. 

8. You have just been chosen to be in the Olympics. And you get to pick any sport you want. What sporting event will you be participating in? For what country?
Synchronized swimming. For Saudi Arabia. No pools, and the burkha is the only swimsuit that flatters me. 

9. Pick an idiom that you would like my fourth graders to draw this Friday for Idiom Friday.
Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining. (You could substitute pee for piss if you think the parents would complain.)

10.  My favorite cartoon character was Foghorn Leghorn? And yours?
Jonny Quest — he had the best toys and most intriguing family arrangement. What was Race Bannon’s real job anyway? 

11. A two-part question: What is your favorite smell? Your favorite sound?
Morning coffee. The alarm clock hitting the wall and shattering into a hundred, silent pieces.

Now, I’ve been tagged, linked and 7-upped a few times and I’m running out of bloggers and questions. So here’s what I’m going to do instead of items 3-5 above (my site, my rules folks). I’m going to open the floor to anyone who has the endurance (and a strong enough stomach) to get to this point in the this post. You’re a creative bunch, so here’s what I want to know:

Who is your favorite — or least favorite — TV cook and why?