New Feature: The Slattern’s Mind Probe

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There’s nothing like a good secret police interrogation. Or is there? Now, you’ve no doubt perused Vanity Fair’s Proust Questionnaire, and have probably enjoyed Heidi Ellis’s The Early Bird Catches the SPaM feature. In truth, there isn’t anything new about the interview-as-blog-post format, but what the hey, I’m going to do it anyway. So even if The Slattern’s Mind Probe is not entirely innovative as a concept, what it lacks in originality, it will certainly more than make up for in quality by giving you the chance to peek inside some of the most interesting and funny brains I’ve had the pleasure to encounter since first sending up this little emotional distress signal one year ago. 

My first guest is the fabulous Cristy Carrington Lewis, aka Miss Snarky Pants, my oldest blogging buddy and soulmate in snark. The Alt Mrs. Sedaris is a recovering lawyer and newbie vegan who writes one of the smartest, wickedest blogs this side of Hell. So let’s find out….

What’s really going on inside the mind of Cristy Carrington Lewis?

What’s your favorite dirty word, and why?
Fuck-a-doodle-doo. I’d like my voice to be the first thing people hear upon awakening.

Which kitchen utensil do you most resemble?
Okay, the kitchen is the room with the upright coffin, right?

You’re competing in the synchronized swimming event in the Olympics. Which song do you and your partner choose for your program?
Monty Python’s “I’m a Lumberjack.” Nothing goes together better than chlorine and axes. Imagine the plaid flannel bikinis.

If you could do away with one national holiday, which one would it be?
Easter. I heard they found the body.

Bikinis, thongs or granny panties?
When your ass is as big as mine, all panties eventually become thongs.

Complete the following sentence. If I were an exotic dancer, my stage name would be
Miss Snarky Pantsless.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
An Oscar Meyer weiner. An adult one.

What’s the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten?
Rocky Mountain Oysters

Then why did you eat it?
The bull paid extra.

Caption this photo.

This is what a world with no Roe v. Wade looks like.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Interested in more self-revelatory shenanigans thinly disguised as blog awards? If your stomach can take it and your psyche is not too fragile by now, try these:

Tagged: Thank you, Sir. May I have another?
We don’t need no stinking Superbowl

About WSW

Writer, wife, mother. Toiler in the bottomless, black, soul-sucking coal mine of domestic life. Thank God for the portable bar.

Posted on November 8, 2012, in Commentary, Life and times and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. Your answers were snarktastic.

    I know, I know, using ‘-tastic’ as a suffix is getting rather musty, but it’s all I could think of at this late hour.

    Also, I might have to use that photo for one of the Spam Chimp’s posts.

  2. Your answers were snarktastic.

    I know, I know, using ‘-tastic’ as a suffix is getting rather musty, but it’s all I could think of at this late hour.

  3. LMAO!!…wait was I wearing pants?

  4. The photo with all those monkeys remind me of a failed genetic experiment.

  5. Slattern, I bow to your expertise. I learn at the feet of the Master
    If i’d posted this on I’d have sat back and basked in the adoration

  6. Are we talking about vegan rocky mountain oysters? I got a little Slattern and a little Snarky Pants this post–that’s a better combination than a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup. And congratulations on the second pressing..even if it did mean that your comments section was over crowded and someone elbowed me in the boob.

  7. this was fantastic! fuck-a-doodle-do haaa
    Great new feature on the Slattern. Love it.

  8. Haha. Loved the thong comment!

  9. Also…congrats on being FP’d Wendy!!!

  10. I love you two, but not as much as I love Roe v. Wade.

  11. Reblogged this on Miss Snarky Pants and commented:
    The recently Freshly Pressed (yes, for the SECOND time) Kitchen Slattern kindly interviewed me for her new blog feature: The Slattern’s Mind Probe. As usual, I had to crawl out of the gutter to answer her insightful questions. Okay, I didn’t manage to make it entirely out of the gutter. Anyway, enjoy and show my dear blogging buddy, The Kitchen Slattern, some blog lovin’ when you’re done.

  12. Thank you, oh Slattern! I am deeply honored to be your first. Your first mind probe, that is. I know, I know…I said I wouldn’t tell anyone and I didn’t. Trust me, no one’s going to have any idea what I’m talking about, lover.

    In all seriousness, I can truthfully say that you have made me a better writer, a better friend and a bigger lush. Cheers to you being Freshly Pressed…again!

  13. Okay Miss Snarky Pants, you’ve outdone yourself. You’ve stepped real close to the boundry of good taste and it’s great. I would think your favorite kitchen utensil would be the corkscrew.

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