The Zumba saga continues: “I thought we were dating.”

ALFRED, Maine (AP) — The first man to go trial on charges that he patronized a prostitute who worked out of her Zumba dance studio contends he thought he was engaged in a romance.

Alexis Wright, the fitness instructor who pleaded guilty to running a prostitution business, doesn’t have to answer questions from prosecutors at the trial of the alleged client, a judge said Thursday.

Prosecutors had wanted the 30-year-old Wright to testify in next week’s trial of Donald Hill, a former Kennebunk High School hockey coach. Under oath Thursday, Wright declined to answer questions about him, other than to point him out.

“He thought he had a relationship with her,” said his lawyer, Gary Prolman.

Where, oh where, to begin?

Those of you who follow my ramblings may recall a post I wrote in the not-too-distant past concerning the Zumba dance/tax evasion/sex trade/stupidity scandal in my home state. For everyone else, here it is.

So here I am, vacationing my head off in the land of a thousand dances, Downeast Maine, when I encounter the above coda to the original story in the local broadsheet. In it, we learn that one of Miss Wright’s 68 clients is fighting his charge of patronizing a prostitute because he claims he thought they were DATING.

Meet the Missus!

Meet the Missus!

Now, I can see why you might think that some denizens of this little corner of paradise, like  residents of similarly far-flung and/or remote locales, would be less sophisticated in the ways of the world than their urban cousins. It’s a fair assumption, though I must point out that naiveté and stupidité are not the same things.

Because really, what kind of moron do you have to be to think that a woman who demands money for having sex with you is your girlfriend? Does that make the waitress who serves you pancakes your wife? Is the nice lady at the dry cleaner who irons your shirts your mommy? Perhaps, if you tend toward the metrosexual, you believe your manicurist is actually your concubine.

Or maybe you’ve just spent one too many Saturday nights on the sofa indulging in heavy petting with a blow-up doll while watching Vision Quest for the three-hundredth time. I don’t fucking know, but I am certain that when the woman you’re doing the horizontal mambo with once a week has a revolving door on her vagina, and you have to take a number for a “date,” it should be apparent to even the meanest intelligence that she’s not doing it because she’s really really into you.

Any more questions?

Honestly.

About WSW

Writer, wife, mother. Toiler in the bottomless, black, soul-sucking coal mine of domestic life. Thank God for the portable bar.

Posted on August 15, 2013, in Commentary, The easy way and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. My husband thinks we’re dating. I cook his dinner as long as he leaves me cash on the dresser.

  2. Bwhaahaahaa! Why aren’t you a prosecutor? I would love to hear you say this to a jury during closing arguments: “Because really, what kind of moron do you have to be to think that a woman who demands money for having sex with you is your girlfriend? Does that make the waitress who serves you pancakes your wife? Is the nice lady at the dry cleaner who irons your shirts your mommy? Perhaps, if you tend toward the metrosexual, you believe your manicurist is actually your concubine.”

    Brilliant, my friend. Brilliant!

  3. KS, up here in Connecticut if your “girlfriend” is “seeing” another guy or three, there’s a real good chance she might be at least a semi-pro (I know of what I speak). What I don’t understand is why they don’t print the a$$hat’s name. Stupid should be broadcast so any woman who sees him coming will have an idea of how to deal with him. Ya know like installing a meter on the bed stand. P.S. Cleared out CDs this week, found two Bert and Me CDs. They’re treasures.

  4. I’m trying to think of things about Maine and all I can come up with is Maine Lobster. And also that movie Delores Claiborne, where the mother kills her pedophile husband. (But the movie’s supposedly shot in Nova Scotia.) And now the Zumba scandal. I’m glad China’s only guilty of putting melamine in children’s milk powder.

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