Category Archives: Dinner
Is it just me, or does this look as unappealing as it is unhealthy?
Roman Chicken, courtesy the Food Network
This is Giada De Laurentiis’s Roman Chicken, which the Food Network is touting as a “healthy choice,” presumably to pander to all those soon-to-be-blown New Year’s resolutions. Now, I assume the Food Network employs a passel of food stylists, cooks and photographers to ensure that each and every dish is shown to its best advantage, with maximum visual appeal, promising a party in your mouth. So how to account for this? Is it me, or does this look like it’s already been chewed and partially digested? Puzzling.
Rainbow carrots: Ain’t we the craziest?
Wow! It's a double rainbow!
So on impulse I picked up a bag of these at the grocery store last week. They’re not cheap, but they come all peeled and ready to go in a handy little cello pack, so all you have to do is cook them just like regular carrots: steam ’em, roast ’em (olive oil, onions, salt and pepper at 350 for half an hour or so), throw ’em in with your roast chicken. The only way they could be less work is if they cooked and digested themselves. And as an added bonus, when you serve them to guests, you actually look like you know what the hell you’re doing. Very restaurant-y, and they provide a new twist on an old staple. Do they taste any different than regular carrots? Not so’s you’d notice, but one assumes the purple ones have a slightly higher nutritional content, and it makes for a change, so what the hell.
Lord love a duck
Perfect for dinner for two!
It’s fowl, but it tastes like steak! Which means that your mammal abstaining dinner guests may eat it, and if they don’t, all the more for you!
Expensive? Yes and no. At around $10 per pound for a breast, duck is far cheaper than a decent cut of beef and only slightly more expensive than organic boneless chicken breasts. Plus, because it’s so rich, one half of a large breast (pictured right here!) easily feeds two healthy adults. I always keep one in the freezer.
Still not sold? I think you’re just a-scared. No need! Cooking duck breasts could not be simpler. Nigella has a nice recipe for gingery duck salad if you’re in the mood for a little spice (especially tasty in summer), but here’s the easiest way I know to prepare duck.
Green bean casserole. NOT!
courtesy Wikipedia
OK I’ll admit it, I’ve never actually eaten green bean casserole. It was served at one memorable event I attended, but I just couldn’t bring myself to raise fork to mouth. Is there really any question as to why? Which is not to say that I have never indulged in a tasty casserole. Growing up in the 70s (alright it was the 60s, but I’m sure I could pass), I encountered all manner of miracle quick meals, such as tuna casserole, corn chowder and American Chop Suey (really, that’s what it was called), which was nothing more than elbow macaroni, ground beef and spaghetti sauce baked in a dish with some parmesan on top. Sort of a Wasp-y riff on spaghetti and meatballs.
Don’t desecrate your Thanksgiving bird
courtesy recipelion.com
You haven’t by any chance come across that TV ad touting mayonnaise as a new way to produce moist and delicious roast turkey for Thanksgiving, have you? I’m not talking about the leftover turkey sandwich with mayo that is eaten from a nearly prone position on the sofa four or five hours after the main event. Oh no, in the ad I saw, Hellman’s mayonnaise was slathered all over a raw turkey before roasting. For a moment I was afraid it was some kind of flashback from those experimental college years. Then I thought it might be a new SNL short (remember the Bass-o-matic? – “That’s great bass!”). But further research indicates that the folks at Hellman’s are entirely serious about this godawful, revolting idea. Check out the video.
Because I know you don’t believe this is real, take a gander at the recipe.
- Preheat oven to 425°. Remove giblets from turkey cavities and rinse turkey inside and out; pat dry with paper towels. Season, if desired, with salt and freshly ground black pepper; set aside. OK so far.
- Starting at neck opening, gently loosen skin on turkey and evenly spread 1/2 of the mayonnaise mixture under skin. Mayo under the skin? Are you kidding me? OH ARGH GACK $%**!
- Arrange turkey, breast side up, in large shallow roasting pan with rack; rub remaining mayonnaise mixture over outside of turkey. More mayonnaise? What?!? Have you lost your mind? Do they not have sherry or butter in your world? Why not just rub some Valvoline on the thing?
- Remove foil and continue roasting, about 1 hour, basting occasionally with pan juices. Yum, mayo-flavored gravy!
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courtesy caulkischeap. wordpress.com
Serve with hot Knorr® Roasted Turkey gravy. Perfect. Finish it all off with a little powdered instant gravy from an envelope! What else makes sense? I guess since you can’t make real gravy by virtue of having ruined the perfectly good natural drippings from the huge bird you just roasted, you might as well just go with reconstituted turkey skin and salt. While you’re at it, why not serve Tang instead of wine!
I can’t even talk about what they want you to do to the broccoli and mashed potatoes. In the words of Stephen King, “It became unspeakable.”
Kitchen Slattern 