(NOTE FROM MANAGEMENT: The following is my rather clumsy, half-assed attempt at a live blog. Apparently WordPress doesn’t have this feature, so I improvised. It’s a cautionary tale of how bad things happen to good bloggers when they overreach their technology limits.)

Joined the party late owing to circumstances beyond my control. OK, the hangover was a little tougher to manage than I anticipated.

First thing:  How many more fingers can be double dipped? I mean I do it, but only when no one’s looking. Oh my God it’s a Petri Dish!

9:25  Aaron Carter’s ranch dressing nearly makes someone puke. Perfect.

9:30  What the hell is going on with Taylor Dane’s lips? Is she cooking? Who cares?

9:35  Lou’s turbo ribs look to be the winner. Look at Joey Fatone’s sombrero!  Charming? I think not.

9:40  There’s a whole lotta arm fat goin’ on there.  Ladies, sleeves please.

9:41  Aaron Carter’s gone for that macaroni.

9:42  Guy Fieri’s beard is the nastiest thing I have ever seen. It looks like Pam Anderson got about halfway through a brazilian but chickened out, jumped off the table and took the peroxide to what was left.

9:58  Aaron’s definitely going to cry.

9:58  Lou DP is a bit of a tool, no?

9:59  Next week: Dessert and Taylor Dane cooking in a dress that plunges to the navel with hair hanging in the food. Who’s going to eat that?  The food I mean.