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Rachel vs Guy: January 1 and my New Year’s resolution is already blown

(NOTE FROM MANAGEMENT: The following is my rather clumsy, half-assed attempt at a live blog. Apparently WordPress doesn’t have this feature, so I improvised. It’s a cautionary tale of how bad things happen to good bloggers when they overreach their technology limits.)

Joined the party late owing to circumstances beyond my control. OK, the hangover was a little tougher to manage than I anticipated.

First thing:  How many more fingers can be double dipped? I mean I do it, but only when no one’s looking. Oh my God it’s a Petri Dish!

9:25  Aaron Carter’s ranch dressing nearly makes someone puke. Perfect.

9:30  What the hell is going on with Taylor Dane’s lips? Is she cooking? Who cares?

9:35  Lou’s turbo ribs look to be the winner. Look at Joey Fatone’s sombrero!  Charming? I think not.

9:40  There’s a whole lotta arm fat goin’ on there.  Ladies, sleeves please.

9:41  Aaron Carter’s gone for that macaroni.

9:42  Guy Fieri’s beard is the nastiest thing I have ever seen. It looks like Pam Anderson got about halfway through a brazilian but chickened out, jumped off the table and took the peroxide to what was left.

9:46 Rachel’s team wins!  Coolio lives to cook another day. His pigtails will return! Has anyone noticed he gets no air time? Clearly nothing that comes out of his mouth is suitable for a family audience.

9:48  Who told Taylor Dayne to pick that dress in yellow? “Mellow yellow” indeed. Doesn’t she have a mirror?
9:55  I think Aaron’s going down. “It’s going to be tough” to eat this slop.

9:58  Aaron’s definitely going to cry.

9:58  Lou DP is a bit of a tool, no?

9:59  Next week: Dessert and Taylor Dane cooking in a dress that plunges to the navel with hair hanging in the food. Who’s going to eat that?  The food I mean.

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