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Say yes to cherries!
Photo courtesy of ©www.CocktailTimes.com
I love cherries, but let’s be honest, the pits are a real issue. Now, I’m willing to commit to some lingual gymnastics when eating fresh ones, and actually that’s a skill set that can come in handy. Hypothetically speaking, say you’re having a pleasant evening in a bar but realize you’re a bit short on cash and suspect your cards will go all code red if swiped even one more time. Quite often, I have heard, the ability to tie that maraschino cherry stem from your Manhattan into a knot using only the tongue can be parlayed into a side bet that yields adequate funding for another round. In my younger days, I might have seen or heard of such behavior, but these days, well, anyway, let’s move on.
Buy 'em by the sack!
So, recently I was visiting Costco with a friend (and mooching off her card to buy industrial size boxes of fabric softener and Cheerios, I’ll admit) and I stumbled upon these huge bags of dried cherries. I had been buying them at the gourmet grocery for upwards of $20 a pound, but here they were at Costco (and at various sites on the web) for less than $10 a pound. And they taste as good as the high end ones. Happy day!
Let me tell you, dried cherries are the greatest things to have on hand. Tart, sweet, chewy and delicious. You can put them in your oatmeal, add them to brownies or chocolate chip cookies or apple pie, toss them in salads, or just pop a handful in your mouth when you need a little something sweet.
Cherry!
Have you made your fruitcake yet?
courtesy blisstree.com
Aw come on, don’t be a lemming, a follower, a “me too” person. Give it a try! Despite the bad press, and it is legion I know, fruitcake is delicious and I’m not ashamed to say so. Now, here’s the thing: a good, brandy soaked fruitcake is actually a very adult treat, and this is why, in my opinion, it’s been so maligned over the years – a lot of bad PR from the under twelve set.
I was not always a believer, but a friend of mine from Down Under changed my mind forever when she brought a fruitcake as a hostess gift during a summer vacation in Maine. I know, I know – fruitcake in summer?!?! It was absolutely delicious and completely appropriate. I ate half of it myself and have been hooked ever since.
Happy Thanksgiving: Embrace the can
Cranberry sauce as God intended
In these, the final precious moments of calm before the storm, I am taking on the ultimate Thanksgiving taboo. And I’m not talking about what happened in the powder room last year after Uncle Fred found the cooking sherry and Vaseline even after I hid them behind the sofa, grotesquely fascinating though that story most certainly is. In this case, the love that dare not speak its name involves your guests and cranberry sauce.
Let’s all just come clean, shall we? Of course we should prefer homemade cranberry sauce, and every year I make some interesting version of it – with apricots and toasted almonds, orange marmalade and Grand Marnier, or some such – which arrives at the table looking festive and appetizing, then sits right there for the entire meal. Eventually some sympathetic soul, usually me, makes a token gesture and takes a spoonful, but let’s be honest, ninety-five percent of the stuff just loiters in the bowl until the meal is over and it’s scraped down the dispose-all.
courtesy freshcutcook.blogspot.com
When it comes to fruity sides, what really moves is the peeling-free, heavily-sugared Ocean Spray from the can. Everybody loves it, and the only real question is whether you prefer a middle slice or the one that comes imprinted with the bottom of the can. I like the end.
So listen, save yourself some trouble this year and just go with the flow. Shove the bag of cranberries in the freezer (they keep forever) and dust off the can opener. The sanity you save may be your own.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Green bean casserole. NOT!
courtesy Wikipedia
OK I’ll admit it, I’ve never actually eaten green bean casserole. It was served at one memorable event I attended, but I just couldn’t bring myself to raise fork to mouth. Is there really any question as to why? Which is not to say that I have never indulged in a tasty casserole. Growing up in the 70s (alright it was the 60s, but I’m sure I could pass), I encountered all manner of miracle quick meals, such as tuna casserole, corn chowder and American Chop Suey (really, that’s what it was called), which was nothing more than elbow macaroni, ground beef and spaghetti sauce baked in a dish with some parmesan on top. Sort of a Wasp-y riff on spaghetti and meatballs.
Don’t desecrate your Thanksgiving bird
courtesy recipelion.com
You haven’t by any chance come across that TV ad touting mayonnaise as a new way to produce moist and delicious roast turkey for Thanksgiving, have you? I’m not talking about the leftover turkey sandwich with mayo that is eaten from a nearly prone position on the sofa four or five hours after the main event. Oh no, in the ad I saw, Hellman’s mayonnaise was slathered all over a raw turkey before roasting. For a moment I was afraid it was some kind of flashback from those experimental college years. Then I thought it might be a new SNL short (remember the Bass-o-matic? – “That’s great bass!”). But further research indicates that the folks at Hellman’s are entirely serious about this godawful, revolting idea. Check out the video.
Because I know you don’t believe this is real, take a gander at the recipe.
- Preheat oven to 425°. Remove giblets from turkey cavities and rinse turkey inside and out; pat dry with paper towels. Season, if desired, with salt and freshly ground black pepper; set aside. OK so far.
- Starting at neck opening, gently loosen skin on turkey and evenly spread 1/2 of the mayonnaise mixture under skin. Mayo under the skin? Are you kidding me? OH ARGH GACK $%**!
- Arrange turkey, breast side up, in large shallow roasting pan with rack; rub remaining mayonnaise mixture over outside of turkey. More mayonnaise? What?!? Have you lost your mind? Do they not have sherry or butter in your world? Why not just rub some Valvoline on the thing?
- Remove foil and continue roasting, about 1 hour, basting occasionally with pan juices. Yum, mayo-flavored gravy!
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courtesy caulkischeap. wordpress.com
Serve with hot Knorr® Roasted Turkey gravy. Perfect. Finish it all off with a little powdered instant gravy from an envelope! What else makes sense? I guess since you can’t make real gravy by virtue of having ruined the perfectly good natural drippings from the huge bird you just roasted, you might as well just go with reconstituted turkey skin and salt. While you’re at it, why not serve Tang instead of wine!
I can’t even talk about what they want you to do to the broccoli and mashed potatoes. In the words of Stephen King, “It became unspeakable.”
Kitchen Slattern 