Category Archives: Holiday fare
Party On (Aw, go ahead)
courtesy gifttree.com
Will it really make any difference if you put off that health kick for just one more day?
Finger Rolls: The Superbowl Party MUST
Triumph in my search for the most elusive of rolls
Certainly a finger roll, but not the one I mean. Via celticsgreen.blogspot.com.
Some of you may recall that in an earlier post I expounded on the many merits of the finger roll, not the least of which is it’s ability to absorb vast quantities of alcohol. It’s real rumble food, folks. And now that the Superbowl and all it’s bone crushing, Belichick-genius-or-madman glory is nearly here, I’ve once again taken up the quest to find finger rolls in the metropolis, where the munchkin of the bread world is about as easy to locate as a native New Yorker in Times Square.
Gold Medal Bakery's finest
And so I am thrilled to report that the good folks at the Gold Medal Bakery are still fighting the good fight and putting out these little gems. They assure me you can reliably find them at Stop & Shop grocery stores, and lo and behold there’s one a mere three miles from my house! So I called them and arranged to pick up two dozen TOMORROW which will give me plenty of time to whip up the requisite batches of ham salad and egg salad to accompany the baked beans and cole slaw for my Patriots party menu. And beer of course. I’ve been saving up my carb allocation for three weeks, my friends, and on Sunday at last beer and bread will be back on the menu. I am beside myself.
We are SO ready. Courtesy AP
Crafting sucks (in case you didn’t know)
photo by me-could you tell?
This month’s Martha Stewart Living cover: “folded tissue-paper blossom heart decoration” made for a four year-old’s Valentine’s Day sock hop party!? According to the notes it measures four feet across! “Show your love” with a craft-induced aneurysm.
Level with me. Do people really do this stuff?
Ready or Not, Here It Comes!
Fill the larder and provision the pantry. Christmas is almost here and Hanukkah is already upon us. I’m assuming Kwanzaa is lurking out there as well, but have never been entirely clear on the dates for that. With all that peace, joy and love in the offing, as well as lots of holiday house guests preparing to infest your already Christmas-crap filled home, I thought this would be a good time to share some of the insights, tricks and tips I’ve gathered over the years to make your holidays as fun-filled and festive as my own.
G’night John Boy. Merry Christmas, Mama!
Just kidding. Here’s the real story:
- Abandon hope. Do not expect the next ten days to be anything other than one long series of agonizing scenes punctuated by screaming arguments, uncomfortable silences, outrageous behavior and gluttonous overindulgence, ultimately giving way to hysteria-induced nervous prostration – unless of course you married into the Waltons or one of those goofy musical families, and I have my suspicions about what was going on up on that mountain. I mean really, John Boy?
- Lower your expectations. If on January 2, you are still alive and listed in the will, it’s a win. You can focus on dealing with the weight gain, cirrhosis and hair loss later. That’s why God invented residential treatment.
- Stock up now. Stuff your refrigerator and cupboard with as much food and drink as you can possibly manage. Hang up a “Self-Serve” sign on both.
- Hide all candles, matches, blow torches, Krazy Glue and lab equipment. If I need to explain why, you may want to consider booking your neuro-psych evaluation sooner rather than later.
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Just in case and mind the sphincter. Courtesy patient.co.uk
Buy a stomach pump (assuming of course you don’t already have one) and write down the poison control number somewhere you can find it, like on the back of your hand with a sharpie. Again, self-explanatory. File it under better safe than medevac-ed.
- Make sure all insurance policies are paid up and in effect.
- And as always, stock the bar.
That should about do it. Any tips you’d care to share?
Start your 2012 Right! Rachel vs Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off
Ah New Year’s Day, that wonderful celebration of new beginnings, hangover ministrations, formal apologies, stomach pumps and bail hearings. Following as it does on the heels of what my family fondly calls amateur night, January first is steeped in homespun tradition, most of which centers around stepping over the moaning carcasses of relatives, friends and complete strangers strewn around the living room and desperately trying to warm themselves at the flat screen. But it’s also about disconsolately sipping Alka Seltzer between trips to the powder room and coping with the mortification and shame that accompany each flashback of the night before.
courtesy foodnetwork.com
And then, of course, there are resolutions to be contemplated, made and almost immediately abandoned. What’s mine? you ask. Well, in addition to losing those pesky last thirty pounds (plateauing at two is such a bitch) and giving my liver the occasional day off, I’ve vowed to watch each and every episode of Rachel vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off. The January first premier is perfect timing; I’ll already be nauseated before it even begins! Read the rest of this entry
Kitchen Slattern 