Category Archives: Dessert

Have you made your fruitcake yet?

courtesy blisstree.com

Aw come on, don’t be a lemming, a follower, a “me too” person. Give it a try! Despite the bad press, and it is legion I know, fruitcake is delicious and I’m not ashamed to say so. Now, here’s the thing: a good, brandy soaked fruitcake is actually a very adult treat, and this is why, in my opinion, it’s been so maligned over the years – a lot of bad PR from the under twelve set.

I was not always a believer, but a friend of mine from Down Under changed my mind forever when she brought a fruitcake as a hostess gift during a summer vacation in Maine. I know, I know – fruitcake in summer?!?! It was absolutely delicious and completely appropriate. I ate half of it myself and have been hooked ever since.

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Prepare for the pears

They're almost here!

One of the things I like best about fall, besides the fact that cascading cashmere is far more effective than skimpy sundresses as fat camouflage, is that the cold weather brings fabulous, fresh pears. Unlike many people, I greet the annual Harry and David shipment from Aunt Bunny with genuine enthusiasm that borders on rapture, rather than the usual “How the hell are we going to eat all these friggin’ pears?” And I want you to join me.

Here’s the skinny on pears:

For eating: Comice is by far the best. Bartlett will do (canned pears are Bartletts).

For cooking: Seckel or Bosc. They’re grainy.

Anjou can be used for either, though they’re not the absolute juiciest.

Pears are picked when they’re still quite hard and inedible, because if they’re allowed to ripen on the tree they get all mushy and nasty. Once a pear is picked, it generally takes from five to ten days to get ripe, depending on what kind it is. Refrigeration will retard ripening, but I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to put pears in the fridge – you’re playing with fire, or ice as it were – and they’ve probably already been refrigerated in transit at least once.

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The Joys of Jell-O and Snow Pudding

You loved it as a child; it horrifies you as an adult. And yet, and yet, when you’re sick, hungover or have just given birth, it’s just the ticket. You could eat it by the truck load and bring on the crushed pineapple. You know what I’m talking about: Jell-O.

Now when I was growing up, “salad” meant only one thing: Jell-O chockablock with gut busting additives – mayonnaise, walnuts, mini marshmallows, fruit cocktail. This persisted well into the 80s when other families had moved on to radicchio, endive and arugula and had long since deep-sixed the packets of Good Seasons in the pantry. I still recall the first time I saw that little plate with the brown iceberg lettuce shard, the mealy tomato slice and the limp cuke covered in glorious Green Goddess dressing sitting on top of my dinner plate. “What the hell is this madness?” I wondered, only to be further mystified when told it was salad. Where was the Jell-O?

These days, we still roll out the Jell-O salad once a year at Thanksgiving in fond tribute to Grammie Sue, who never made a salad she couldn’t count on for an insulin reaction. Sometimes it’s the green one with the Cool Whip and the pineapple, which I believe she called Waldorf though it bore no resemblance whatever to Waldorf salad; other times it’s a more exotic red one with canned blueberries and cream cheese, and I don’t mind saying both are mighty fine.

Tempting though the original article is, these days I serve this very adult version of lemon Jell-O, which we always called Snow Pudding, though some call it lemon sponge and others refer to it as lemon mousse. Semantics. It’s a delicious light lemon dessert that, when paired with a soft custard, which Grammie always called hard sauce – that woman was a mass of contradictions – offers a truly sublime combination of tart/cold and creamy/warm. Be forewarned, it contains uncooked egg whites, but if you’re in the mood for a walk on the wild side, why not give it a try?

SNOW PUDDING

  • 1 env. (1 tbsp.) unflavored gelatin (powdered, not those weird sheets)
  • 1/4 C cold water
  • 1 C boiling water
  • 1/2 C sugar
  • 1/2 C fresh lemon juice (must be fresh – don’t sweat a little pulp)
  • 1 t lemon rind (NOT THE WHITE PART. That makes a bitter taste)
  • 3 egg whites, stiffly beaten

Soften gelatin in 1/4 C of cold water for about 3 minutes. (In other words, dump the envelope of gelatin into the water)

Add boiling water, lemon juice and rind, and sugar. Stir until dissolved. I use a whisk.

Let sit for 2 minutes or so.

Strain to remove rind and seeds and anything else that’s floating around in there.

Cover and refrigerate until almost set.  This is critical. The gelatin should just barely hold its shape before slithering off the spoon.

In another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff. No way around it. You need two bowls.

Whip the gelatin until fluffy.

Add the stiffly beaten egg whites to the fluffy gelatin and continue beating until stiff enough to hold its shape. Don’t fear the egg white! Just whip it all up.

Pour into individual glasses (or just leave it in the bowl if you prefer) and chill until firm.

Garnish with custard sauce below and/or raspberry sauce, strawberry sauce, crumbled ginger snaps (oh, yes) or fresh berries.

Soft custard (“Hahd sauce”)

  • 1 C milk combined with 1 C half & half (trust me, you want the fat)
  • 3 slightly beaten egg yolks (left over from snow pudding!)
  • 1/3 C sugar
  • 1/4 t salt
  • 1 t vanilla

In a saucepan, bring the milk/half & half mixture just to the boiling point. It should have a thin “skin” on top. (This is “scalded” milk.)

Remove the pan from the heat.

Whisk together eggs, sugar and salt in another bowl.

Slowly pour a little of the scalded milk into the egg mixture, stirring, then add the warm egg/milk mixture back into the scalded milk in the pan, stirring constantly. (Don’t ask me why, just do it this way.)

Cook over low heat (or in a double boiler if you have one. I don’t.) stirring constantly, until the custard begins to thicken and coats the back of a clean spoon (one you have not licked). Just barely boil it.

* * * If you overheat the custard it may “break,” and will look like it’s curdled. DON’T PANIC. Just take it off the heat and whisk it hard until it comes back together. No harm, no foul.

Once the custard is thickened to the consistency of a thick sauce, remove it from the heat, stir in vanilla and let it cool covered on the counter.

NOTE: Don’t refrigerate this custard unless it’ll be a couple of days before you serve it. Refrigeration tends to negatively affect the consistency. It’s fine to sit out on the counter for several hours as long as the weather’s not too hot.

No. Box. Brownies. EVER!!

I feel about brownies from a mix much the same as Joan Crawford, at least as rendered by Faye Dunaway, did about cheap closet accessories. I loathe them. Ok, OK, I hear you. You’re scratching your head, your brow is furrowed and you say to yourself in a perplexed way, “But I thought she said use a mix for pie crust.”

“It’s HARDER to bake from scratch,” you whine. “What’s up with this crazy bitch anyway? Why can’t she make up her mind?”

It’s all about cost/benefit. Pie crust is hard to make and can easily go wrong, way way wrong. I have found one mix that almost never fails and tastes pretty good, so I use it.

Brownies, however, are a different story. Why? It is ridiculously easy to make de-licious, fudgy brownies if you use my recipe. They always, ALWAYS come out right and they taste infinitely better than that crap in a box, and I don’t care if it’s made with fancy Italian chocolate. Still gross.

I found this recipe in an issue of Ladies Home Journal at Grammie Sue’s house about 25 years ago, and it has never failed me. By happy coincidence, it comes from the queen of all movie stars, and my all time favorite actress, Katharine Hepburn. The magazine featured an interview with her, which explains why I picked it up in the first place, as I was really more of a Spy magazine girl at the time. Oh shit, who am I kidding, on the odd occasions I could get my ass off a barstool, all I ever bothered to read was National Lampoon at that point in my life. Spy was too highbrow. Anyways, what the LHJ interview lacked in dirt on Kate and Spenc-ah, it more than made up for with this fabulous recipe. Hundreds of satisfied dinner guests and half a dozen voluntary sugar comas can’t be wrong!

Hepburn’s Brownies

Melt over low heat:

  • 1 stick unsalted butter (1/2 cup)
  • 2 squares (or 2 ounces) unsweetened chocolate, best you can find, though Baker’s brand is fine

In a bowl, whisk:

  • 2 eggs
  • 1 cup sugar
  • ½ teaspoon vanilla extract (pure, not that nasty imitation stuff – might as well use a mix if that’s all you’ve got. For variety, you can substitute pure almond extract for the vanilla. Party on!)

Once the butter and chocolate are melted, slowly add the mixture to the egg mixture, whisking all the time. DO NOT just dump the hot chocolate in all at once, no matter how much you want to. You could end up with scrambled eggs.

After that’s mixed, add:

  • ¼ cup flour (no more!)
  • ¼ tsp salt (do not omit this! Sweetness unbalanced by salt is not worth the calories.)

Stir it until it’s blended, then dump the batter into a greased and floured, square baking dish (8” x  8” or so). Scrape the leftover batter into the pan or into your mouth. At this point do I have to tell you which I’d choose?

Bake at 325 degrees for 30-40 minutes depending on your oven. Mine runs a little hot and I dislike overcooked baked goods, so I do about 30 minutes.

And listen, Christina, if you invite me over for dessert and serve these brownies with walnuts, I can’t be held responsible for my actions. I have been known travel with an axe from time to time. It won’t be you I’m mad at, of course, it’ll be the nuts.

You can make pie, and you should

As mentioned, I feel strongly about pie for cultural reasons.  If you can’t make it, find a decent bakery where you can buy one. To my way of thinking there aren’t many. Usually a manufactured crust (the kind you see in the freezer at the grocery store) is a dead giveaway that the product will suck. So is a big blocky rim on the pie or anything that looks like this.

So dry it makes me choke just looking at it.

As I’ve said, making pie crust from a mix is not hard. You just follow the directions on the box and fill the damn thing with fruit, sugar, flour and butter and shove it in the oven.  But a few tricks are worth pointing out:

You can mix the dough with a fork. If I’m feeling particularly lazy, and I usually am, I use the electric mixer (for me, the Kitchenaid stand mixer is a gift from God) for about 15 seconds, just until the dough comes together.

Recipes always tell you to chill the dough before rolling it out, but if you leave it in the fridge for more than about 10 minutes it gets too hard to roll. Just saying.

For pumpkin pie, do not, I repeat DO NOT, bake the shell before filling it. That’s just crazy and the rim will burn before the filling is set. Speaking of which, never use anything but canned pumpkin. Fresh pumpkin pie is stringy and dealing with a whole pumpkin is a giant pain in the ass from start (lugging it home, cutting it up, seeding it, removing all that stringy stuff) to finish (Do I have enough puree? Too much? What is all this stringy crap in my pie? Eww). It is always disappointing, especially if you spent a whole freaking day making it when you could have just opened the damned can (always use plain puree and add your own spices, eggs, etc.) and caught up on Project Runway while it baked.

Making a prebaked shell for one crust pie gives me fits. The crusts always collapse or they shrink and become unusable, or the recipe calls for pie weights (what?) or tells you to fill the thing with dried beans while you bake it. Screw that. Just avoid them. Make a graham cracker crust (or use ginger snaps) or chuck the whole project and make brownies instead.

You can crimp the top and bottom crusts with a fork if you must, but I think this looks gross and it always burns because the crust is too thin. Plus the crust bonds with the pie plate and makes it really hard to cut and serve. See?

Ugly, overdone crimped edge. Yuck.

Better to use your thumb to pinch the edge between your index and middle fingers. It’s a tad Martha, but it looks so much nicer and the pieces hold together better. Look.

Nicely crimped and properly vented.

Apple pie: For the love of God, use only Macintosh or Rome apples.  Any guest who requests a slice of cheddar for his pie should be asked to leave. Enough said.

Fill ‘er up: Go on, mound the fruit up high. There is nothing worse than a skimpy layer of filling. See top photo.

Lattice top pies: What are you on, crack?