The Idiot’s Slattern’s Guide to Coping with Centigrade
Good news for modern man!
So this morning I was thumbing through the Good Book, the oracle of all knowledge and wisdom, the fountain of inspiration for Western man. I’m talking, of course, about Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child and those two French broads who don’t really count except as back up. Gladys Knight had her Pips, Diana had Flo and Mary, and the great Julia Child had Simone and Louisette, at least until volume two when Louisette quit the band (“creative differences” one supposes). Of course after that it was just a matter of time before JC went solo and the rest, as they say, is culinary history.
Before we talk temperature, a word about the queen. If you want to learn to cook properly, buy both volumes of her book. They are available in paperback or you can choose from an endless supply of used ones on AbeBooks. The writing is clear, the terms are explained and the content is pleasingly antiquated — folding brains into sauces, making cold beef in aspic, the content of quenelles (you don’t want to know). But above all the voice of Mrs. Child comes through strong and clear, and as you read, you hear her ringing, off-kilter delivery in every sentence, phrase, and mot. Food for the body and the soul. You can also dip into her TV show on YouTube.
http://youtu.be/LWmvfUKwBrg
Doesn’t that make you feel good? I’ll bet you weren’t making your omelette correctly, were you?
Anyways, as I said, I was grazing in Julia’s fields of gold this morning and ran across her instructions for converting temperatures. Now, I know it’s the computer age and we can all just Google up a conversion chart, but come the rapture, I suspect the web will be among the first things to go down. Of course, you’ll still be wanting to convert the odd temperature, especially if the Germans come out on top (and it appears they may well), and we’re all finally force-marched into the metric system. So here’s how:
Fahrenheit to Centigrade
Subtract 32 — Multiply by 5 — Divide by 9.
350 F: 350 – 32=318. 318 x 5=1590. 1590/9=176.67 (call it 175 C)
Centigrade to Fahrenheit
Multiply by 9 — Divide by 5 — Add 32.
100 C: 100 x 9=900. 900/5= 180. 180+32=212 F (call it 200).
Coincidentally 100 C and 212 F are the temperatures at which water boils. So now you have also learned to boil water! This is the beauty of the Child approach.
Now, you’re on your own when it comes to that British Gas Mark business, though I think it’s based on shillings and crowns. If I ever figure out the difference between centigrade and Celsius, you’ll be the first to know.
I’ll admit I have been known to troll for repulsive recipes. It’s kind of my dirty little secret, and unfortunately the internet has allowed me to discover things so far beyond the bounds of decency you would not believe it — let’s just say the odd 1950s cookbook and Elvis’s grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches are for pikers. Witness the following recipe for Crockpot Little Smokies (filed under “Southern Food”).
Kitchen Slattern 